Let’s say someone’s gonna take your picture. You have your fave clothes on, your make up done the way you like it, your hair as perfect as it could be, your smile and your anticipation… you even know how you are going to pose: naturally, because it’s YOUR picture. Your image, that’s who you are, so obviously, you gotta look that you, that fraction of a second, that image IS you in that fraction of a second, but it’s also who you’ve became over the years. Well, then the photographer comes and takes a quick look at you, comes closer and looks again, in a more detailed way and upwards. And you see his scowl, then he says: “no, honey, this is all wrong, are you gonna wear THAT? And that hair? Really?”, you ask why not, you are perfectly ok, but he replies faster than you can say jerk “Seriously?”, and that gets you. You have no idea who he is, or maybe you do and he’s some huge name, but anyway, he gets you,for some reason you listen to him, somethin’s gotta be wrong if he says so… he’s a professional, he knows what he’s doing, right? So you listen to him. He wants to change EVERYTHING. Because as he said “no, honey, this is all wrong”, so the hair is too on it’s place, your clothes cover too much, your smile is crooked, your eyes look weird and your pose is blah. That to begin with… basically, everything’s wrong WITH YOU! Yeah, SERIOUSLY. That’s what he says…

You went there to take your picture and you are all wrong. According to him you have to look like anything but you. Deep down you feel the urge to complain, to argue his arguments are no valid, but you don’t. He got your insecurities to jump on you… so you are open to a few changes. But suddenly, you look like Paris Hilton! And his opinion is “much better, babe”. “He’s an ass!” you think, but still, you breathe in, eat your words, shallow your common sense and start posing for this man.

The photographer takes many pictures, he goes from “gorgeous” to “from this angle you look like an elephant that’s given up smoking”, and after ten minutes you can’t take it anymore. You know better, you know this is wrong, you know that whoever is gonna look at this picture is gonna ask you “is that your cousin?”, you know listening and trusting someone that uses the expression “elephant that has quit smoking” is insane! and who does he think he is? SERIOUSLY!

Finally, you stop him. “Um, excuse me, but could we try my previous look? I’d like to have more options…” you try to be polite, because you know this person is a whack-job! But he has created this alter ego of yours, the one that’s worthy of her picture being taken, and it took him a few words, he won’t let you off the hook so easily. You thought being politically correct was the ticket? Think again sister! He goes: “Excuse me?” And you repeat yourself  “I wanna try the other…” he interrupts you “Just stand still, look pretty, alright?”, and he keeps on taking pictures of this you in drag that’s so much better.

You don’t say a word, you follow his direction, even when he says “less Audrey, more Pamela”, then you change, you clean your face, pay him a ridiculous amount of money, and leave the place. You’ll come for the pictures tomorrow because now he has to Photoshop them. Yes, SERIOUSLY.

You leave the place asking yourself what just happened, where is the girl who entered the place filled with excitement and now was advised to get a nosejob “to look less bird-like”. You fear about the result of the pictures AND, what’s worse, you are terrified he might be right.

You get the pictures and that’s when more disappointment comes: who is this washed up 30-something? Not you! You are not even close to 30! And you are not washed up! And he was an ass! SERIOUSLY! Self-inflicted pain starts then, Why didn’t you stand up? Why didn’t you leave? Why did you listen to him? Why? Because you are non confrontational. Because you trusted this asshole… because you just trust people…

Now you regret this… and you start thinking the “stand still, look pretty” philosophy can be really toxic.

I’m sure Britney Spears was told to stand still look pretty, I’m sure most girls have actually… let’s ask them how that worked out for them… yeah… now it’s clearer… and too late…  but then again, what happened to those who didn’t stand still, look pretty? Some got chased and burned, others kept pushing and created feminism, some are still very angry woman, other are considered fighters, many were left behind… so you think maybe you did the right thing…

Ok, hun, let’s ask Gia Carangi what happened when she was no longer an asset? when she just didn’t deserve to stand still and look pretty… oh, wait, she’s dead… she stood still and looked pretty until it ate her alive…

So what if this happens to me again, you ask yourself, and that’s a good thing, because it will, there’s a metaphorical picture every second, behind every pair of eyes… so get used to either speakin up or changing what’s, in theory, so wrong with you. You are now torn between two possible -polar - outcomes: #1 if you keep changing, eventually you’ll get it right #2, why put so much effort in changing yourself instead of putting the same amount of dedication on defending who you are? Tough…

Now, I ask you: does it matter, really? Is the person that takes the picture the one calling the shots? or is it those who will look at the image? because it’s our image after all, do we really want to stay still and look pretty? Are we that ok with the Photoshop rule? Wasn’t it enough to stay and look instead of standing and doing? So what follows the stand still, look pretty? It is supposedly good, but why and how? It’s easy, I gotta admit that much, but it is expensive on the long run. Stand still, look pretty is code for “shut up”, no matter how you put it…

And that’s why I’ll never stand still, look pretty… because I’ve never been that girl but I know many that have, because even so I’ve hear some “shut ups”, because this is a safe place… who else wants to also, not to stand still, look pretty?